A few years ago, I met an American man here on Facebook during the COVID-19 period. He was 49 at the time. Our conversation started after he saw one of my posts that had been shared by someone on his friend list.
Gradually, our conversations grew. It was nothing deeper than a normal platonic friendship, at least from my end. I never saw him as more than a friend. He would call to check on me. He had a solid job in the U.S., owned his home, and had been divorced twice, with four children from two different women.
He often talked to me about his work, life, and experiences, he was a very intelligent man. He would send me pictures of himself with his children whenever he visited or took them out. Sometimes, he’d video call me from work or while spending time with them.
Then one day, during a discussion about his failed marriages, he said he was no longer interested in getting married. He planned to focus on living his life, building great relationships, and working hard to give his children the best education.
About a year after that conversation, he suddenly sent me a message saying he wanted to talk. I told him I was in school and that we could talk when I got home. Considering our time zone difference, we agreed on a convenient time, and he called me that night.
To my surprise, he said he really liked me and was willing to come to Nigeria to meet my family, he wanted to marry me! (Wait, is something wrong with my ears?). This was the same man who had sworn off marriage just a year ago.
Not wanting to be insensitive, I jokingly reminded him of his statement. He admitted that, yes, he had said that, but it was coming from a place of hurt. He confessed that he couldn’t deny the fact that he needed a woman in his life.
He told me how much joy he found in spending time with his children, but deep down, he didn’t want to spend the rest of his life alone as the children will ok day grow up to live their own life. He said that no matter how much love his children gave him, they couldn’t fill the void that only a woman he loved, and who loved him in return could fill.
As touching as his words were, I couldn’t say yes. I genuinely felt the sincerity of his request, he was even ready to book a flight to Nigeria to prove how serious he was. But somehow, I had never seen him as more than a friend.
This man was attractive, well-built, with the kind of beards I used to like 
, but I had never imagined myself married to a white man, and I didn’t feel anything beyond friendship for him.
, but I had never imagined myself married to a white man, and I didn’t feel anything beyond friendship for him.After I declined his proposal, we struggled to keep our conversations going. He wanted something I couldn’t give. But eventually, we settled back into our friendship, though we didn’t talk as often.
A few days ago, he sent me a message saying he was getting married to a Kenyan woman he met online. He even sent me a picture of them together, and they looked really cute. I was so happy for him.
Why am I sharing this?
Because a man needs a woman just as much as a woman needs a man. You may want to argue this, but that’s why we see older women marrying younger men and vice versa. It’s why some white men travel across the world to find a wife after failing with women around them.
Have you ever checked the statistics of white men traveling to different countries in search of wives? Have you seen the same trend among white women, regardless of their age? Even you would advise your elderly uncle to remarry because you understand the vital role a partner plays in a person’s life.
Why do you think dating apps are on the rise? It’s not just one gender using them after all, both men and women, across all age groups, are searching for companionship.
I felt truly validated the day my friend admitted that no one deserves to go through life alone and that there’s a void only a woman can fill in his life.
Likewise, there’s a void only a man can fill in yours. There’s a space in your life that only the love, care, touch, and presence of a partner can fill. That’s why both genders are wired to seek each other, why the heart longs to love and be loved in return.
This is why I will always be against modern-day feminism that teaches women they don’t need men, just as I oppose the rise of so-called “alpha males” who parade misogynistic beliefs and encourage men to mistreat women.
If you’re truly blessed with the right partner, when life gets tough and everyone else disappears, the only person who will stand by you is the one who genuinely loves you. Even the feminist icons you look up to still fall in love with men, and the misogynists you follow still chase after women.
Reevaluate your mindset about relationships and marriage. Don’t be swayed by social media narratives that pit men and women against each other. Deep down, even those pushing these narratives can’t live without what they claim to despise.
“It is not good for man to be alone,” God said. And so, He made a helper suitable for him.
No matter what society preaches, that fundamental truth remains unchanged.
